Top 5 Schmaltzy Movies

Short week this week as I drove back and forth from New York to bring my girl (save) with me to Ohio, so I didn’t have a chance to see Me Before You.  But it looks like one of those movies that won’t be good but will definitely make you cry, and that’s kind of what inspired this list. I’m not saying these movies are all bad, just that their main objective is to make you cry.  So if a movie is certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes it didn’t get a mention (Sorry Titanic, but just know I was thinking about you). So here’s a look at the top five schmaltzy movies.  Massive spoiler alerts going forward; in most instances I will be talking specifically about the ending, you have been warned. 

5) Love Story (1970)

I couldn’t put The Fault in Our Stars on the list because it is rated incredibly high on Rotten Tomatoes–had it been lower it may have been number one on the list. But Love Story was The Fault in Our Stars before The Fault in Our Stars was even a glimmer in John Green’s eye. Based on the novel of the same name, Love Story got a 57% on the Tomatometer. The story follows Jenny and Oliver Barrett IV, who come from opposite sides of the tracks but fall in love and get married. After the wedding, Jenny is diagnosed with an incurable disease, to which her only response is, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” That may be the stupidest catchphrase ever. Of course you have to apologize when you’re in love and in a relationship with someone; I’ve apologized at least seven times while writing this post. Not only is the story sappy, but the music is completely over the top with the feels. For his ability to generate tears, the composer, Francis Lai, walked away with an Academy Award. Deservedly so.

4) My Girl (1991)

A movie I heard about growing up but didn’t wind up seeing until later in life. All I knew was the ending was really sad. Well it is, but for the life of me every time I think of the line, “He can’t see without his glasses” I laugh to myself, probably because  one of the characters on the morning show I listened to growing up used to do a funny impression of the young actress’s big moment. I don’t think Anna Chlumsky meant for it to come off so big, but her line-reading is pure cheese and is why My Girl deserves to be on the list. The 50% rating on Rotten Tomatoes doesn’t help, either.

3) The Champ (1979)

The Champ is the lowest-rated movie on this list, with a 40% rating on the Tomatometer. It was a poorly made remake of a 1931 movie by the same name. In fact, the original scored its lead actor an Oscar for his performance. I suppose Jon Voight was going for similar accolades, but it’s tough to do when your son in the movie, little Ricky Schroder, outshines you throughout. Voight plays former boxer Billy Flynn, who is mainly interested in gambling and drinking. But when his ex-wife comes to claim their little boy, Flynn decides to step in the ring one more time for a big pay day. For those of you that like the movie, it is probably because of the Schroder’s performance, especially in the movie’s final moment when, after winning his fight, Flynn passes out while little Ricky Schroder begs his father to wake up. Of all the moments on the list this one probably made me cry the most.

2) Marley and Me (2008)

​The highest rated movie of the bunch, Marley and Me comes in at 63%, which was almost too high for me to put on the list. But I had to mention an animal movie because, let’s face it; you definitely get more worked up seeing a dog die than a person. So much so that there is a website devoted to sparing people the agony of seeing their favorite Hollywood dog/cat/horse die: DoesTheDogDie.com.  Marley and Me is about a young couple who adopt a difficult puppy.  And you’re with this family throughout the dog’s life all the way to the tear-jerking end. When I think of animal schmaltz this was the first one to come to mind, but let this serve to represent all the sad dog dying movies out there.

1) The Notebook (2004)

Is it any surprise that Nicholas Sparks is number one on the list? In fact, if I really wanted to I could have made this list entirely out of Nicholas Sparks’ movies, but it’s the ending to this one that really puts it over the top. The Notebook is rated at 52% on the Tomatometer, though honestly I think that is low.  The major knock against the movie is that it features too many clichés, but I think Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling overcome all of the tropes we’ve seen, and create a genuine love connection. I initially saw this movie on a bus with no sound and I must have missed the caption at the ending because I legitimately thought they just fell asleep, until I turned around to see everyone on the bus doing the same ugly muffled cry. This may have been the first time I saw schmaltz in full effect— a movie whose sole purpose is to reach into your chest and pull out your heart. Well done Mr. Sparks, well done. 

The TONYs are next week and in honor of the awards show I think that would be the perfect time to do top 5 musical movies so get those dancing shoes ready.  Stay safe out there.