Top 5 Disney Princesses

There were no screenings of The Huntsman: Winter’s War in Ohio so it’s time for another top five list.  And in honor of the source material I have decided to list my top five Disney Princesses. Let’s make something clear right away: the original three princesses will be nowhere near this list. That is because Snow White, Cinderella, and Aurora from Sleeping Beauty are just the worst. They are easily some of the most iconic yet uninteresting characters in movie history.  They bite an apple--they fall asleep; they prick their finger--they fall asleep; they leave a dance early-- I fall asleep.  But just because the first few were bad doesn’t mean they all are. Some of them are great. So here are the undisputed top 5 Disney Princesses.

5) Jasmine, Aladdin

Jasmine was a different kind of princess. She had an opinion and wasn’t afraid to let it out.  Jasmine is not one to be confined to the palace; if she wants to explore her kingdom by god she is going to hop the wall and explore her kingdom. She is not going to let her Dad tell her what to do.  She thinks for herself and finds someone she wants to be with; it’s her life, her marriage. I don’t know if I necessarily agree with her choice of man, deciding to shack up with a pathological liar, but she made the choice on her own and she is sticking with her gut.  Good for you, Jasmine.  Care to disagree? Her pet tiger will rip you to shreds. Not only that, but Jasmine rocks her look in a light blue and a fiery red.  Get it, girl.

4) Anna, Frozen

You’re probably thinking, why not Elsa?  She is the one everyone pictures when they think of Frozen: Elsa has the dress; she has the song, she has the cool powers. But Elsa also happens to be kind of a dull character. Credit where credit is due: “Let It Go” is amazing. I remember watching that scene in the movie theater and being stunned at how beautiful the song and animation was. But in terms of character, Anna is way better. She is more of a casual, care-free kind of girl and way more comfortable out of her evening wear (aren’t we all). She loses a couple points for falling for Hans WAY too quickly and I’m a little worried about the way she was making eyes at Kristoff. But in the end, her true love isn’t some guy; it’s her sister. She foils the plot of the enemy without any magical powers, instead armed with an awkward and charming smile.
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3) Merida, Brave

I wonder if Merida will stand the test of time.  The only redheaded princess in the bunch gives her the chance to stand out, but she is definitely not the princess most people think about.  She also suffers from a story that goes off the rails in the second half, with the whole mom turning into a bear thing.  But before that moment she is just like Jasmine, and then some. Merida refuses to settle down just because her family tells her to. When she is forced to play the princess part she doesn’t stand idly by; she literally busts out of her dress and beats back all of her suitors. If you don’t want to brush your hair don’t brush your hair— all I ask is for you to be a little nicer to your Mom. I know she’s is annoying, but she cares about you and probably doesn’t deserve to be poisoned.

2) Fa Mulan, Mulan

The only Disney Princess on the list who has no royal connections but was named by the Disney Corporation as one of their princesses. Why? Because she is just that bad ass. She survived an avalanche, led her troops into battle, stopped the invading Hun army, and saved all of China. Not bad for a soldier nobody wanted. If you want credentials, fine: she was given the crest of the emperor, the sword of Shan Yu, and was offered a position on the small counsel. But she turned it down to be with her family. Mulan knows where her priorities are. Not only that, but she doesn’t go chasing after the guys; the guys come to her. She also happens to be one of the few Disney princesses who is born not from a fairy tale, but from legend. Dishonor on your cow if you don’t believe she deserves to be on the list. 

1) Belle, Beauty and the Beast

Belle is the total package: she’s nice, she’s pretty, she’s well-read, she has that great dress, and she marries into royalty. Is she suffering from Stockholm syndrome? I’m not a doctor. I don’t think someone as smart as Belle could have been fooled by her captor. She didn’t fall for Gaston’s games, and he is the king of one-arm pushups. Plus, I have a special place in my heart for women who don’t mind their guys a little hairy. Belle also has the fortune of starring in one the most well-made animated movies of all time, and the first animated movie ever to be nominated for an Academy Award. Bonus points for the movie’s opening number, which shares its name with our protagonist. This song sets up the character, her desires, and the story, along with the motive of the movie’s antagonist in an upbeat and catchy way. It gives “Circle of Life” a run for its money for best opening number. Belle knows there is more to life than this little town, and she is smart enough to separate herself from the people who thinks she’s weird, and finds her own adventure.  

​Who is your favorite Disney Princess?  Let me know.  Also let me know if you happen to see The Huntsman this weekend, I hear it looks very pretty.  Next week I'll be reviewing a movie about the most gangsta cat around: Keanu.